The Playgroup Drinking Game

"The Playgroup"

two parts Knudsen Hibiscus Cooler

one part inexpensive vodka

one part Pedialyte, any flavor (any flavor, to prevent dehydration and extend play)

mix ingredients together in small sippy cup (pref. two-handled)

add ice cube and shake vigorously; serve

Rules of Play:

Players who do not have a sippy cup available will automatically pick up a two-drink penalty and must consume their beverage from whatever receptacle is handy (e.g., sports bottle, Neti pot, oral syringe, dirty ashtray, athletic shoe).

If a grown-up uses the word poopy, that person drinks.

If a child uses the word poopy, everyone drinks.

All drink if a child asks to nurse (with or without words).

All drink if a child is learning how to use the potty. (Once for each child.)

All drink if a child takes a toy from another child.

Finish your glass if your child is the thief.

All drink every time a child cries.

Finish your glass every time a mother or father cries.

All drink whenever a box of baby wipes is opened.

Drink twice whenever you eat a snack intended for a child (e.g., graham crackers, arrowroot cookies, zwieback toast)

All drink when the following topics are raised:

• frequency of sexual relations
• pornography/the sex industry
• reliable automobiles
• real estate (including neighborhood comparisons)
• recipes
• religion (including Wicca and earth-worship)
• movies
• cable-access television
• hair color
• job hunting
• dogs/puppies
• preschool

Drink twice if:

• the recipes are vegan or wheat-free
• recipes are actually exchanged
• anyone has had sexual relations in the past 48 hours
• anyone’s car is in the shop
• a borrowed object is returned

Finish your glass if

• your child vomits or defecates explosively (sufficient to cause staining outside the diaper)
• a child hits another child with an implement of any nature (e.g., shape-sorting cube, umbrella, machete)